Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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