I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
