i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Randomize
