I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
