I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
