3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize