I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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