Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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