If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
