If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
