Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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