i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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