grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
