The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
