No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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