let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
