Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
