Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
