But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
