It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
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