Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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