i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
