Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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