Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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