I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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