my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
