How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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