Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
