alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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