I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
