just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
