I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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