i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
