can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
