I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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