I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
