no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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