Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
