Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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