The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Buhtt sex?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
