she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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