Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
