I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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