New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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