soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
