I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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