He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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