I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Still dying that you shit outside
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
