you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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