two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
