also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I want a musical about memes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
