listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
