i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
