Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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