Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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