we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There's even glitter on my cock...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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