So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
