Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize