dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have tasted many bathrooms
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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