So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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