i just had sex bonerless
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's like iHOP with fire
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The power of my boobs compel you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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