Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
