i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
