I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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