hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
