Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
