If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I AM VODKA MAN
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
