I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
