Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
