and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
