Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
