I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
